Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
