Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
