I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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