Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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