is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
