You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she smelled like a LAN party
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Send help, water and tortillas.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
