My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
