We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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