James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
