I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize