summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize