Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
