What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
