cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
