The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
