people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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