I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize