Screwed.edu
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
