My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
