My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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