I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it because I queefed?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
