Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
