please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
