and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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