There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
