Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
