im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
