Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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