So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
