I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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