omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
