respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
