You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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