I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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