It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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