Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
