At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
