I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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