What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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