im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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