Heybabeimwearingurpanties
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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