Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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