Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
