You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize