What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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