Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
3pm strippers are depressing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
