We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
