after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
