DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
