In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
