Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Houston, we have a blender
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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