I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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