Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
