I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
