You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
