time to smoke my breakfast
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize