smell my finger.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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