Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
