so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
