Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize