I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
