Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
