So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
