felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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