i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize