I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
