apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
