Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
