: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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